maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
