you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
