her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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