I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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