John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
