Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
