So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
