Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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