Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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