Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
