I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
