You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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