just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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