Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
