What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
