I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
