My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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