He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
