In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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