i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
