i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
