And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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