sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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