i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
