she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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