OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
