I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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