My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
