dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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