we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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