last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
