Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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