Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
