I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
