forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
