She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
