ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
