You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize