That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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