You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
