did you get engaged???
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
