At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
