I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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