Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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