She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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