I wanna bring you to show and tell
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
