about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
