white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
