so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
