dude i'm inner monologue high
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
