I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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