Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
