My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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