I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
