but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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