It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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