i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
