Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
