i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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