i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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