Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
