none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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