i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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