For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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