Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
