hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you had me at cake vodka
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
