nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
