Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
