in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
